Expecting your rainbow baby? As a labor and delivery nurse, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing countless births. All of them are unique and miraculous in their own ways.
Among all of the births I have witnessed and been a part of (and there’s been a lot), there’s a special kind that carries a deeper meaning: the birth of a rainbow baby.
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What is a rainbow baby?
A rainbow baby is a baby born after a previous loss of pregnancy. The pregnancy loss could include a miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death, or the loss of an infant.
Much like a rainbow appears in the sky after a storm, the term “rainbow baby” is used to symbolize beauty and hope that follows a period of darkness and grief.
While the arrival of a rainbow baby brings immense happiness, it’s often accompanied by complex emotions and anxieties.
The emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy after loss
Pregnancy after a loss can feel like a balancing act between joy and fear, excitement and apprehension. One minute you’re over the moon with excitement, the next you’re paralyzed with fear. It’s totally normal to feel ALL the feels.
The joy of expecting again is often interwoven with the lingering pain of the past. It’s common and expected to experience a rollercoaster of emotions.
It can feel confusing and downright overwhelming to experience these conflicting emotions at the same time.
Below are some emotions you might experience when carrying your rainbow baby. There is no rulebook surrounding this topic.
You might experience some of the below emotions, all of them, or none of them – any and all are perfectly normal.
Anxiety
Anxiety is one that a lot of women carrying a rainbow baby experience. There are probably a million questions and thoughts running through your mind.
The anxiety and fear might even prevent you from enjoying or being excited about your pregnancy. Just remember, these worries are understandable, validated, and normal.
Guilt
Another common emotion that is experienced with pregnancy after loss is guilt. Some women and parents feel guilty for experiencing happiness for a new pregnancy while still grieving the loss of their previous pregnancy.
It is perfectly okay to feel joy and sadness at the same time. Feeling happiness and hope does not have to completely replace or cancel out the grief and sadness associated with a previous loss.
Sadness
Being pregnant again might cause memories of your previous pregnancy and loss to resurface. This is especially true around milestones or important dates. Allow yourself and your partner to acknowledge these feelings and grieve.
Navigating pregnancy after loss
Here are some tips to help you navigate pregnancy after loss.
- Communicate: talk openly and honestly with your partner, your family and friends, and your support network about your feelings. Opening up to someone, when ready, can help you process your feelings and feel less alone.
- Self-care: make it a priority to take care of yourself. I am talking about your physical health, your mental health, and your emotional health. Whatever your version of self-care looks like, make sure you do it!
- Honor your previous loss: it can be therapeutic, for many women, to talk about and honor a previous pregnancy loss. If this is you, find ways to remember and honor the baby you lost. There are so many ways to do this and it will likely look different for everyone but it could be lighting a candle, planting something, writing a letter or poem, or donating to a charity.
- Support group: connect with other women that have experienced pregnancy loss. Some women find talking about and sharing their experiences with others who understand and can relate to be incredibly therapeutic.
- Celebrate your rainbow baby: embrace the joy and excitement. Have a baby shower, decorate the nursery, allow yourself to celebrate the new life that you are growing.
Mama, You’ve Got This
To every woman carrying a rainbow baby: You are strong, you are brave, and you are loved. This journey might be filled with ups and downs, but you’re not alone.
The arrival of your rainbow baby will be a time of immense joy and healing. Embrace the happiness, honor the sadness, and remember that your rainbow baby is a symbol of hope and resilience.
Sending you all the love and positive vibes!
